Smiling is good.
Smiling makes us feel good. Smiling takes less effort than not smiling. Smiling is recognised, I believe by most people, as being a sign of friendliness.
So I'm always fascinated to see how difficult it is for many to smile; and I'm not sure why it seems so hard - is it natural reserve, is it our stultifying political correctness, or is it that people, perhaps more women than men, translate a smile as harassment? A recent You Tube video tried to make the case that saying hello could be interpreted as unwelcome sexual harassment; it's an idea too stupid to be a fabrication, right?
Don't get me wrong; I don't want to go around grinning like the much maligned Cheshire cat; and I don't want to grinning people constantly in my face; but I'm proposing there's a smiling balance - not too much, nor too little.
As I walk the beach each day I smile at those walking in the opposite direction.
I do this because I believe that if we are sharing the same beautiful space we could indicate our shared pleasure, our shared satisfaction, and our common humanity. I have to report that it's tough going.
My gut-ometer says that I have about a 5% success rate.
People sweep, lope, trot, and stride by, eyes fixed dead ahead, their lips tightly clenched, their posture rigid. I suppose in the roughly twenty minutes that it takes to traverse the beach they see no one; and like Shultz, they hear nothing, which is true for those with earphones who are not bothered by the whisper of the ocean across the sand at their feet.
I suppose women may have some cause for alarm - as a 71 years old walker you can imagine how threatening I appear; and I suppose many men may suspect my smile and attempted eye contact is a pickup attempt?
Failing to acknowledge a greeting or, for example, a smile, may make us feel empowered - but it mostly makes the unacknowledged greeter think we're rude, arrogant, aloof, unfriendly, disengaged and uncaring to name but a few potential reactions and while all that may be true - and it's probably not - do we really want others to think that of us? Back in the nineteen-sixties psychiatrist Eric Berne created transactional analysis and wrote about this very subject in his books Games that people play and the sequel What do you say after hello? In short Berne suggested that we often deny someone response to their initiative knowing that it can be hurtful.
Beyond the reasons I have given for smiling I have another reason. The Buddha taught that if for our pleasure and happiness we depend on external factors we are doomed to disappointment. So for me my determination to smile, irrespective of response, is like exercising a muscle because when I receive no positive response I continue on my way, full of the joy that comes with being on a beautiful beach - the lack of response does not spoil my day.
The other day as I climbed the stairs to leave the beach, on the top step a huge figure of a man with a face set in an angry scowl wearing dark sunglasses - a pet hate of mine - appeared; I wasn't going to smile at this fellow! As we passed he said: "good morning" and smiled. I smiled and said "hello" back and went on my feeling great and that all was right with the world; I hope he did too.
Let's all smile more often than we tend to do. Let's get the smiling balance to favour smiling rather than non smiling.
Let's all try it - whatever happens will be more interesting than if we didn't.
Disclaimer: the athletic person in my photograph was not invited to smile so I make no accusations against this person innocently going about enjoying the beach. But for the record I would have smiled had the camera not been in front of my mouth and, in a perfect world, he would have smiled back.
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